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REMEMBERING CALEB – 9 September 2011

“We give them back to you, O Lord,

Who first gave them to us;

And as you did not lose them in the giving

So we do not lose them in the return”

I recently gave birth to my stillborn son, Caleb, at 29 weeks. He had a very rare chromosomal abnormality which was only picked up at 22 weeks. I chose to carry him until nature took it’s course.

On the 4th July 2011 as I drove to work, two cars stood out like sore thumbs – one which said simply “God Knows” and the other a picture of Jesus enveloped in rainbow light signalling open arms and to come to him. That afternoon, we were told of the devastating news of our little one and the many complications he faced. From that moment on we were overwhelmed with the love and prayers from family and friends. Prayer chains were started in Cape Town, Durban etc.  With the outlook and provided options so bleak, there was absolutely one thing I was certain of. This was my little boy and no one was going to take him away from us. I will carry him. It is the only option which made sense.  At this point, the only scripture which made sense to me was Mark 14:36: “Father  take this cup of suffering away from me but Your will be done and not mine” and this is how I faced the calamity in front of me, trusting God every step of the way.

Every mother will know the experience of getting to know her unborn child. From the tiniest stirrings of movement which were evident from a few weeks before the news, my love and acquaintance with Caleb grew. Caleb was an active baby before he passed – always letting his mom know he was around. I was always afraid of his kicks to stop, signalling to me that his time had come. 7 weeks later in tears before bed I told Adrian that time was running out. The following night I woke up and I knew he was gone. The next morning, Caleb was unusually quiet and my fears were confirmed.

On the 26th August 2011 at 23h15, 3 days later, our little Caleb was born. God blessed us in that despite what the Dr’s said, Caleb’s face was beautiful and we had the opportunity to hold him and say goodbye. Caleb looked at peace, like he was just in a deep sleep although Dad & Mom both agreed then that he would have given us a run for our money with a sneaky stubborn streak on his face!

Thank you Lord and thank you Caleb for giving us 29 wonderful weeks of your life. You pushed on for 7 more weeks despite what the Dr’s said and I am grateful that you were able to pass in a place where you were safe, protected and very loved. I am definitely even more focused on my salvation knowing that you, my Caleb, will be standing there with open arms to welcome me home. Eternity is a long time in comparison to the short time we have on earth so I look forward to an eternity to spend with you my beautiful boy. You indeed proceeded into the Promised Land of heaven ahead of us and I can’t wait to meet you there. I love you so much.

Thank you to family and friends for the countless times we have felt God’s love-and the understanding and care of others-reaching down to encourage and comfort us whether it be through messages, phone calls, food, flowers or candles lighting Caleb’s way to heaven. Thank you. Thank you for acknowledging that we lost Caleb and that he was real to us – a life that God trusted us with.

We choose to continue worshipping God in this brokenness and in our way forward we can claim these of the many promises from God:

Isaiah 41: 10,13

Jeremiah 29:11

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Jacqueline Hewitt permalink
    November 17, 2011 7:03 am

    Loved reading this Margs…brought tears to my eyes..but also excited for you to meet Caleb in the next life ! love you are amazing!

  2. kristy permalink
    November 17, 2011 7:32 am

    what awesome people you and Adrian are Margs…like we have said over and over again-the strength and encouragement you guys gave us-was amazing.

    You are amazing children of God and i cant imagine how people can walk through life with these problems and not have God on there side…How hard and difficult it must be.We as a family have gone through so much pain and worry these last couple of years and God has held our hands and shown us light at the end of the tunnel.

    We can thank him daily for our blessings and his love for us.We serve an amazing God.
    I am proud of you and Adrian as you have remained faithful and humble servants of God and have set examples of what true Christians are and true faith is..

    We love you dearly and can only pray and thank God for your amazing future that he has planned for you guys.

    He has a plan for you-and a good plan for your lives…

    We trust you guys will continue to walk in strength and live each day as a blessed day.

    Love you

    Brett and Kristy

  3. Alexa Kirsten permalink
    December 16, 2011 9:04 pm

    Thank you so much for writing this beautiful, sad story – so sensitive and touching – I am deeply grateful to God for giving you and me this amazing hope within us, the hope and sureity that we will certainly meet Him and Caleb The Lord bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you and thank you for sharing this deeply intimate story with us.
    (I am an old school friend of your Mums and so was aware of what was happening to you all.)

  4. Marique permalink
    December 20, 2012 7:46 am

    This is incredible. For two weeks I have been walking around with so many emotions (most negative) about the loss of my baby boy? You have done what no one could do, with your storie you have made me see the best part of my baby. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Marique

    • December 21, 2012 10:46 pm

      Hi Marique. We’re so glad! That’s part of the reason we try to tell the stories of other people’s losses. If you need to talk, please feel free to contact us directly. May this Christmas be gentle for you. May you know the presence of God comforting you through this tough time.

    • March 1, 2013 8:32 pm

      So glad to have been able to help in some small way! So sorry that you have had to join this ‘secret club’… strength to you on your journey. If you need to chat at all, please do email us – although we’re focussed on South Africans, we’d be more than happy to help anyone who needs it with a listening ear, and if you’re not from SA then we have contacts with other organisations around the world.


  1. Telling your story « Bornsleeping

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