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Landon’s Story

Well, Landon was my first baby – and everything was going absolutely well with my pregnancy – I had no complications. And lucky me, I didn’t even have morning sickness.

In feb 2008 I became ill with the flu (or perhaps a virus, I don’t know)– I went to the doctor, and everything was fine with baby. I took a few days off of work to rest and started getting better. By the week-end I was feeling a lot better and felt Landon kicking and moving a lot. So I gathered he was fine.
On Sunday I had a very busy day and went to church that evening. When I got home and got into bed, I lay for a few minutes waiting to feel Landon move as he would always move before I’d go to sleep. I was worried because I didn’t feel him. I eventually fell asleep but woke up again around midnight –
. . I sat up the rest of the morning, fighting with God… I knew in my heart that something was terribly wrong. I had been robbed of one of my greatest joys. I begged God not to pass me by… I fought – I cried out to God… my spirit was so disturbed- I just couldn’t sleep.
Strangely enough – I wasn’t angry at God… but I was hurting so bad because I knew my baby was not fine – by then i was getting contractions, I cried not wanting to accept what was about to happen…

The next morning first thing, I went to the doctor for a scan – and there I saw it – my baby Landon with no heartbeat.
The doctor arranged to give me a c-section that evening and so I had to go home and pack my bags for the hospital.
I was 27 weeks pregnant when Landon was born sleeping around 6:30pm on the 25th Feb 2008.
We got to see him and my husband and close family even got to hold him (I couldn’t hold him as I was in too much pain).
He was a beautiful baby – perfect in every way. It was so difficult holding his tiny little hand – knowing that it was the first and the last…

A lot of blood tests were taken – they couldn’t pick up anything wrong. Samples of his umbilical cord and skin were taken but everything was fine and there was no trace of any virus. We don’t know the actual cause of his death.

Today I still miss my boy more than I can explain to people. He will always always be in my heart.

Afterwards I realized that God had not passed me by… He felt so distant but I now know that He was there during the toughest time in my life… I know without a doubt that He was holding me… He was weeping with me… He has been my greatest comfort… even now still, I feel His gentle spirit. Doctors were insisting that I take anti-depressants, but it has not been necessary because the Lord Jesus is my strength, my hope, my healer. I need Him more now than anything else. I have since been blessed with two beautiful and healthy children. Jayden Eli (3 years) and Angie Mae (8 months). One day I will tell them about their big brother and how he touched our lives. My heart aches when I see parents who have lost a child, and the pain they silently carry. No parent should have to bury their child. 

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