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For Dads

Your loss is equal to that of your partner or wife. However, many people will expect you to be the strong one, and will focus on your partner or wife. This can leave you feeling sidelined, or isolated.

While you may want to be the strong one, and support your wife or partner first, try to take time to let yourself grieve. Talk to a friend, cry, throw stuff, do a physical work-out at the gym and use the punchbag!

As time goes by, remember that you and your wife or partner are both grieving, but you may grieve in a completely different way to her. It is important to try to tell your wife or partner what you are feeling, even though it may be very difficult for you to do so. She needs to be able to understand how you are grieving, so that she can try to support you just as you are supporting her.

You may find this leaflet useful to read. It’s from the New Zealand branch of SANDS (Stillbirth and Neo-natal Death Society).

As a generalisation, men find it difficult to verbalise what they are feeling. However, our experience has shown how important it is for guys to talk to other guys, and to share their experiences with them. At Born Sleeping, we have a dad who is more than willing to talk to you, and to listen to your story. Email us and we’ll put you in touch.

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